Dating Techniques That Women WANT You to Know... But don't want to have to TELL you about....
[Women-speak: read my mind or lose me forever!]

Personal Ads and Single Women

***QUESTION***

Dave:

On your audio series, you talk about getting past the fluff and "talk to that other part of the woman" How do you do that? I answer ads on the personals, and I keep thinking that my dialogue with these women is all wrong.

I know you gotta be C&F, but sometimes there's not much to go on from an online profile. Here's an example from a girl that lives in my neighborhood:

"I'd like to eventually settle down with someone that I can look to as a best friend and that I can laugh with. I enjoy traveling, working out, yoga, music, and dining out in NYC. I am playful and fun and have a lot to offer the right man. I believe that the best relationships are based on friendship. I am genuine, kind and compassionate and I am looking for the same in a man.

My ideal match is the kind of guy that isn't afraid of being himself. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is confident, not cocky. He is a person of good character, high morals and loyal. He is thoughtful, considerate and knows how to treat a lady. Last but not least, my ideal man is attractive with a good sense of humor".

I can't think of anything cocky to say to this...or how to communicate that I'm a sexually aware man. I'm not really sure what you mean by sexually aware anyway, unless you mean sexually successful...like when you know you're hot and women want you.

So, can you help me understand how you'd respond to an ad like this?

thanks,
-R

reply:

OK, first of all, I recommend that you go back through the CD Audio Program, and pay attention to the workbook that came with it.

I actually included a sample "cut and paste" type of answer for personal ads that works very well.

In fact, when I originally published it in one of these dating tips newsletters, I had literally dozens and dozens of guys from all around the world who wrote in saying that they cut and pasted it and sent it out in response to women's personal ads... and had fabulous response.

Now, let me address a few of your comments...

To summarize what I think about your situation, I'd say that you probably need to keep reviewing the material that you have, and keep practicing.

If you have no experience (or very little) with women, then you have almost no frame of reference for what I'm talking about in general, and until you start DOING more, you just won't "get it" as well.

As far as responding to a woman's online personal ad...

Remember, women who run personal ads are getting TONS of responses.

If you're going to play the personals, stay current with them, and contact women as soon as they place their ad. This way you'll be one of the first to start a conversation with her... as opposed to the 497th guy. At some point, the hundreds of men who are responding to a woman's personal ad all run together into a big lump of desperate men. So be first if you can.

Second, forget about trying to respond to a woman's personal ad by reading it, thinking about it, considering what she's looking for, and then responding in a way that she will find interesting.

No no no!

The ad you sent in above could have been run by any woman in any part of the world... it might as well be a generic ad template for women.

The one thing this ad DOESN'T mention (and the one thing that NO female personal ads EVER mention) is what makes this woman feel ATTRACTION for a man.

Think about it for a minute...

This woman sat down one night at her computer, and said to herself "I'm tired of the dating game. Maybe if I put a personal ad online and describe the kind of guy I'm looking for, Prince Charming will find me and we'll live happily ever after".

Can't you just FEEL it in her words?

"I'd like to eventually settle down with someone that I can look to as a best friend and that I can laugh with..."

"I believe that the best relationships are based on friendship..."

And the whole last paragraph is priceless...

"My ideal match is the kind of guy that isn't afraid of being himself. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is confident, not cocky. He is a person of good character, high morals and loyal. He is thoughtful, considerate and knows how to treat a lady. Last but not least, my ideal man is attractive with a good sense of humor..."

So what do most guys do when they read an ad like this one?

Of course... they write back something like:

"Hi, I'm a nice attractive SWM who has a sense of humor, high morals, is honest, and also believes that a good friendship is the foundation for a great relationship."

UGH!

Someone bring me a bucket, because I'm gonna PUKE.

Look, when a woman is writing a PERSONAL ad, she's usually at a point in her life where she's lonely... and has often lost hope of finding a long-term companion in the real world.

OF COURSE she's going to write all this sappy stuff.

But that doesn't change ANYTHING about what is going to get her attention and make her feel ATTRACTION.

Again, my gut tells me that you're trying to figure out how to answer this kind of personal ad with a WUSSY response that will make her love you. Don't.

And to address your question of how to communicate that you're a confident, sexually aware man...

You do this by NOT trying to please her, say what she wants to hear, and kiss up to her.

It sounds to me like you need to spend more time studying the materials you have, practicing your Cocky & Funny skills, and making your personality more interesting... and less time chasing women who are looking for an open, honest, Yoga-loving husband via the personal ads.

Use the materials you have! Practice!

Get online with an instant messenging service and work on your Cocky & Funny. Copy and paste the personal ad response in your Advanced CD Series and use it to answer personal ads. Until you're REALLY good at engineering, quit trying to reinvent the wheel.

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