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 It's
What You Say And How You Say It
Join our free
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written
by David DeAngelo
In this week's
article: Independent, funny and cool guys always do well with women.
This is what you need to know to become one of them.
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Advice Article Of The Week
Dear Dave,
So what is a "cool guy"?
And what is it about a guy who's "cool" that makes women feel more
attracted to him than an "uncool" guy?
Let me tell you a few quick stories about guys I've known who were
un-cool. Double
Your Dating
First Story:
One friend I used to have loved to argue with people. He would start
arguments about anything and always take the opposite perspective on
every topic. He did this with women all the time too. I think he
felt like he was coming across as smart when he argued. Guess what?
Women hated it, and ran as soon as he started his arguments. His
male friends hated it too. He was un-cool because his insecurity was
so strong, that he had to argue to get attention.
Second Story:
Another friend I have always tries to do nice things and favors for
women he likes. As soon as he meets a woman he likes, he tries to
find something he can do for her, to be ready to be "helpful". Of
course, he then gets upset when the woman doesn't return the
feelings of affection... and he acts upset and "taken advantage of"
in front of her. This, of course, makes the women distance
themselves quickly. As you can probably guess, he's trying to
manipulate women with favors, buying their affection through "good
works". And women resent him for it, they don't want to be bargained
into relationships, owing a guy for his "good deeds". Women don't
think he's cool, and they avoid him like you'd avoid a leper.
Third Story:
I know one guy who loves to tell women how beautiful they are, buys
them drinks and dinners, and pursues them with the "You're the
greatest thing in the world and I'm going to chase you around and
try to increase your affection". And even though he's doing a lot of
"nice" things for the women he's interested in, he can't keep one
around for more than a date or two. Flattery, compliments and his
obsessive chasing of his woman of the moment always backfires. Even
his male friends think that he needs to calm down and act "cool" in
general, end the use of his "affection-obsession" tactics towards
women .
Now, all three of the guys I've mentioned above have different
problems but the way I see it, they're all strangely related. They
don't have any attracting women techniques that work beyond the
first couple of dates.
Here are a few more short stories about guys I know who are "cool".
Cool Guy 1:
One guy I know always has girls around him. In fact, I don't think
I've ever seen him without at least one girl with him. Usually he
has three or four girls with him and sometimes up to 10 or 12, he
literally attracts a harem of women.
He always makes fun of the girls, teases them, and treats them like
good friends who he's comfortable enough to bust on. He's not rich,
he doesn't buy things for women, and he doesn't kiss up to them. He
does, on the other hand, make it his business to know where the
"cool" places are in town, where to go out, and who to call for the
"inside track" on where the hot spots are. Then he shows up at the
door to these hot spots with five women. Everyone that knows him
thinks of him as a "cool" guy.
Cool Guy 2:
I have another friend that is really amazing with women. But he does
something that's rather unusual when he's around women. He tends to
ignore them when he first meets them. If he's out with friends, and
one of them introduces a female friend to him, he'll shake her hand
and say "Hi", then turn away and go back to whatever he was doing.
Somehow, the women that are around him always want to talk to him,
get his attention and do what they can to enter his inner circle.
And all the guys he knows think of him as one of the coolest guys
around, also trying to hang with him.
Cool Guy 3:
Finally, I have one friend who literally says things to women like,
"You probably wouldn't like me. I don't really have relationships
with women. Our relationship will probably go no further than the
physical."
He's so calm and laid back around women that they have to often
pursue him and it happens a lot. He's blunt, direct, and honest
about whatever is on his mind. He doesn't chase women, give them
gifts, or smother them with compliments and yet, they love him. And
he has a crew of guy friends who all love him and think he's one of
the "coolest" guys in the world.
So what is it that separates the "cool" guys from the "uncool" guys?
What is "cool"?
What is it that makes a few rare people the kind of people that
everyone wants to be around?
What is it about un-cool guys that offends other people, and makes
women keep their distance?
And what is it about this type of guy that I'm calling "cool" that
makes guys who have it attract more women than they can handle?
The Definition of Cool
I personally think that being cool comes down to:
1) Being independent (being a leader not a follower)
2) Being indifferent (not getting trapped into unattractive
situations)
3) Being funny (humor isn't an afterthought of their personalities)
4) Being socially adjusted (unafraid of conversations, trying new
things and meeting people)
I'm going to give you some details about these four cool
fundamentals but first I want to mention something that I tend to
stick to techniques that will help you meet more women, or give you
advice to get past your own limiting beliefs.
I've realized recently that there are a few basic and fundamental,
ground floor things that we, as guys, need to really understand
about interacting with other people before we start trying to learn
top floor stuff, like how to approach and meet and attract women. If
you don't have some of these basic things handled, all the fancy
attraction techniques in the world won't fix your problem with
women.
So continue on with me here and let's talk about the four elements
that I mentioned above.
1) Being Independent
Independent is the opposite of dependent.
When you act dependent you lean on others, you look to them for
approval, you ask what they think before you make a decision, you
tend to want to stay physically close to them, and your feelings
tend to depend on what others feel and think of you.
When you act independent, you lean back, you do things because you
decided you wanted to, you don't ask others what they think -
instead you decide yourself, you are fine walking away from your
friends for awhile when you're out, and your feelings are controlled
by what you think, not what others think.
A dependent person will go into a bar with friends, stick close to
them all night, ask what everyone else is drinking before they
order, get upset easily about things that others say, and constantly
be looking for attention and approval in some way.
An independent person, on the other hand, will go into a bar with
friends and be more likely to walk away and look around the place
alone to see who's there, and feel fine about leaving their friends
for awhile and striking up a conversation with a stranger. They'll
order a drink if they want, or water if they want and not care what
everyone else is drinking. They'll be cool and calm no matter what
happens even if others are getting upset around them. And, most
importantly, they aren't looking to others for attention and
approval. They're doing their own thing and enjoying whatever
happens.
2) Being Indifferent
Most people in this world are attached to the outcomes of things.
They're constantly worrying about what's going to happen and talking
about future events in a fearful, uncertain way. Their lack of
control over things controls their attitude and behavior.
This type of person always wants to know what other people think of
them, and they're worrying about what they should do so other people
will like them. Unfortunately, this almost always comes across as
insecurity.
An indifferent person, on the other hand, just goes about life and
takes things as they come. dealing with things head-on and
understanding the difference of what they can and cannot change.
The indifferent person is indifferent to the outcome of whatever
situation they're in because they can always deal with it.
If it's a man, and he's approaching a woman, he will be Ok with
whatever happens. If she's nice to him, great. If she's uptight, no
problem. If she's rich, famous, and beautiful and starts coming on
to him, fine. That's nothing to change his perspective on things.
When you are attached to the outcome of a situation, it makes you
act all kinds of freaky. You pause, act nervous, hold back, look for
approval, act insecure and any of a hundred other unattractive
things.
On the other hand, when you're indifferent to the outcome, it makes
you magnetic because people are drawn to those in control of
themselves. Especially when it comes to women and dating.
Indifference is the ultimate way to show a lack of insecurity in
life.
3) Being Funny
Humor is magic. It's a complete mystery why we find things "funny"
and why we "laugh". Crying because someone died makes some logical
sense. It's a bad thing, and crying expresses a negative emotion.
But when you see a dog run into a window because he doesn't see it
and he gets a confused look on his face, you laugh. What's with
that?
Humor is interesting to me, because if you show that you are funny,
it makes people feel good inside and attracted to you, wanting to be
a part of your inner circle. When they laugh, triggers positive
feelings in those around. If you're not naturally funny, it's a
great skill to learn. Read books. Watch live comedy. Do whatever it
takes to learn how to be funny. It's a learnable skill
Most of the coolest guys I know are wickedly funny. Some of them are
only funny on occasion, repeating things they've seen and heard but
they get it and when they do make a joke, it's damn funny.
4) Being Socially Adjusted
I know that this sounds funny, but most of the people I know who are
un-cool are not very adjusted socially. They lack a certain
something in the social skills department that makes it obvious to
others (and especially to women) that they don't know how to relate
very well to other people. These guys never learned how to make
others feel comfortable around them. They're nervous and uncertain
in most situations.
If you've ever known an accountant or computer programmer that was
brilliantly smart, but totally boring, you know what I mean. If
people act nervous, uncertain and uncomfortable when they're around
you, then you also understand what I'm saying.
I can't teach you how to make people feel comfortable around you in
two sentences, but if you need to learn how to mix with people
socially, then start paying attention to what's going on around you.
Watch how others dress, present themselves, how they walk and talk.
Pay attention to little details like saying, "What's up?" when you
meet someone new, instead of "Hello, pleased to meet you" and such.
Now, is this all there is to being "cool"?
Of course not. But it's a great start.
If you can first get yourself to the place where other people want
to be around you just because they enjoy your company, you'll find
that taking things to the next level with women will be so much
easier.
I've had this conversation with many of the guys I know who are
successful with women, and they all basically say the same thing:
You have to learn how to be cool and make others (especially women)
feel comfortable just being in the same room with you.
And if you're cool this happens almost instantly.
If you're not cool then you're going to have a hard time making
anyone feel comfortable with you, never mind having a woman feel
attraction towards you.
As a direct result of the things I've learned about how to be more
successful with women and dating, I've also become more successful
at things like being invited to exclusive parties, having local
famous and successful people pursue me as a friend, and just
generally being invited into more exclusive inner social circles.
How did this happen?
Well, for one thing, people who know a lot of cool or influential
people are very careful about who they bring along to gatherings
with friends.
The last thing someone cool needs in their life is an un-cool person
making a nervous idiot of themselves in front of all of their inner
social circle of friends.
When you learn the art of being cool you start to attract other cool
people.
And those people will see that you're not insecure, that you're not
emotionally unstable, clingy, and such. They'll see that you know
how to handle yourself with other people (and with women), and
they'll start introducing you to other cool people (including women)
instead of running away from you.
I know that this article is going to ignite a whole questioning
ideas in you, maybe a whole series of letters to me about how
learning these concepts has done exactly what I'm talking about for
various guys (the success letters that I want to hear about it, by
the way, so make sure you email me).
So, do you want more great ideas on how to be cool and how to meet
and date more women? I thought so.
It took me a long time to figure out how to be cool around women and
how to make women feel that powerful physical and emotional response
called attraction.
I
can't tell you how much I wish I could have known what I teach when
I was younger. It's taken me literally years to put all the pieces
together, and I invite you to take advantage of the time, effort,
energy, and money I've invested to discover, refine, and organize
all of the step-by-step techniques that I've put together.
You need to download my online eBook 'Double Your Dating'. You can
download it and literally be reading it within a few minutes. Go
download it here:
www.doubleyourdating.com
Just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy. This book and
the three bonus ebooks that come with it are the FOUNDATION for
success with women. Everything you read in these articles will make
more sense once you have read the book.
...and read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
David D.
"Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About
How To Be Successful With Women".
You can download it and be reading it
within a few minutes...
Double Your Dating Website
The ebook, and the three bonus reports that come with it will teach you
all of the basics for how to overcome your fears of approaching women, and
how to take things from one step to another...all the way to the bedroom. There's only one place in the world I know of that you can learn all of
this information quickly, easily, and thoroughly... The 'Double Your
dating' e-book: This book and the three bonuses that come with it are the
FOUNDATION for success with women. Everything you read in these articles
will make more sense once you have read the book:
Read
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